Change of Plans — Again!

I don't talk much about my life with chronic pain. However, sometimes people ask questions, so I try to answer them. One aspect of chronic pain, that I often struggle with, is scheduling and commitments. 

I am a planner. I like to have things on the calendar, so that I can prepare and be ready for the events of any given day. Yet, there are days that my pain/headache do not take into consideration what is on my schedule. 

Today, was "one of those days". I had planned to fulfill a commitment (that had already had to be rescheduled from last week). Yet, this morning, I awoke with a severe headache. Worse than usual. I started the "headache routine" that involves, meds, essential oils, ice packs, trigger points. 

As I waited for the headache to lessen, I had to make a decision. Could I fulfill the commitment this morning? 

Yes, I could— BUT would it be the smart thing to do? I also have another commitment this afternoon, that can't be changed. Knowing that I have a unchangeable commitment this afternoon, I made the choice to reschedule (once again) this mornings plans. 

For me, that is so very frustrating. I hate not being able to do something I had planned. However, my body can only tolerate so much. So, I need to allow my body time to heal this morning, and lay low. 

Thankfully, the other people involved in my cancelation this morning, are fully understanding. They've been along side of my pain journey for most of the past 16 years. They get it. 

If you know someone who lives in chronic pain, or has an invisible illness (i.e. autoimmune disease, lyme, chronic headache, diabetes, etc) please be patient if they have to reschedule—even multiple times. It's not that they don't want to do an activity, it's just that their bodies won't allow it. Or they have to save their energy for an upcoming event that they simply can't miss. Please don't read anything into the cancelation of plans. Changing plans is not the desired thing! So, often we look forward to that event and doing something out of the norm. So, please be patient, understanding, and most of all encouraging! I'm so thankful that the people who have come along side of me are all of those. 

The key to living with a chronic illness/pain is flexibility. And realizing that things are beyond a person's control. It's about taking comfort knowing that even if things have to be rescheduled, it's OK! 

Why am I sharing this? So that others with chronic illness know that this is reality, and that it's ok. So that others without pain/illness learn why plans change. 

Today, is not what I had planned. However, my headache level is no surprise to God Almighty. He is fully aware of my pain and headache. Therefore, I take comfort in knowing that for whatever reason, God has allowed my plans to change today. It could be so that I write this post, to encourage someone, or it could be that God wanted to protect me from an accident, or it could be that God just me to take time to be still. 

So, if you know someone who lives with chronic pain/illness, please take time to understand a bit of their life. And take time to pray for them. 

If you have any questions, please ask. And remember, not all chronic illness/pain is the same. So, my answers may differ from one who suffers with a different illness.

Grace Recognized

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 (NKJV)

Joy: gladness, cheerfulness, calm delight; the awareness (of God's) grace, favor; "grace recognized"

Joy is not based on circumstances or feelings. Rather joy, a product of the Holy Spirit, is based on all that God has to offer—justification, forgiveness, peace, adoption, fellowship with God Almighty, and eternal life with God. The joy is because of the relationship with God. The joy is an outpouring of the love God gives. 

This morning, I awoke with a searing headache and intense back pain. Normally I wake up in pain, but this morning, it was a much higher level. Yet, as I got up and I slowly made my way to the kitchen, my mind switched from the pain to the Castle. Just walking down the hallway toward the kitchen, I had to stop and thank God for this amazing home. In the stillness and quietness of the morning, I looked at the living room. Each time I see that fireplace and the vaulted ceiling, I'm overcome with an overwhelming sense of amazement. God in His gracious goodness, has supplied an amazing home for me and my parents. As I think about Who God is and how He takes care of me — just wow! 

My heart can overflow with joy, not because my life is perfect, or I'm pain free (that won't happen until I am in Heaven!). But rather, my heart can overflow with joy because I know and have a relationship with God Almighty. 

Joy the awareness of God's grace—grace recognized! The more I take time to recognize God's grace the more joy will overflow! 

Blessings Celebration Day!

This morning, I was thinking back over the past 16 years, and one thing that I LOVE is remembering the creativity of God in suppling each and every need and the fun surprises along the way. 

The details that God orchestrated to make sure everything was in place at just the exact moment it was needed. From places to stay, to Drs, to paying for medications, to the much needed fun adventures — including a ride in the Goodyear Blimp! (Yes, that REALLY happened!), to friends who came along side to support, encourage, and one very special friend who drove me to appointments whether in state or out of state. Just when I thought that God couldn't surprise me ..... He would! 

Only God could take a "grand stand" ticket and make it into a HOT PASS at a NASCAR race. (That was just awesome!) Only God could make a pharmacy pay for my medication. (YEP! And it was an EXPENSIVE one too.) Only God ......... 

so many cool and amazing gifts, adventures, and wonderful ways God each and every need.

I love taking time each year to reflect on God's amazing goodness. Each year, I continue to be overwhelmed the blessings that God has given me. I am a Princess of the King of kings, and I am blessed abundantly!

Thanks Living. Taking time to remember all that God has done. 

Thanks Living. Taking time to praise God for His goodness and blessings.

Today is the 16 Anniversary of my back injury. Today is not a day to focus on the pain, rather a day to focus on all the amazing and wonderful blessings God has given me over the past 16 years.

Please join me in my Blessings Celebration! Let's count our blessings... name them one by one!

Blessing Celebration 2016!

Blessings Celebration! 

Thanks Living! 

October 25, 2000. 

A day that changed my life in more ways than I can count. A day that began a journey filled with twists and turns. A day that  started me on a journey that God designed to accomplish His purpose in and through me. 

October 25, 2000 I coughed and felt a searing hot pain in my lower back. A pain so intense it literally put me on the floor. 

Now it's October 2016—12 surgeries and too many injections, treatments, and other medical procedures to count later — the pain remains. 

BUT—during these past 16 years God has showered me with the most amazing blessings! I stand in awe of His goodness to me. 

Each year, in October I enjoy a BLESSING CELEBRATION! It's a time to reflect, not on the pain, but rather what God is doing because of the pain. It's a time to reflect on God's outpouring of blessings! 

Psalm 21:1-3 sums it up! (Replace "king" with "princess", for I am a child of the King of kings! I am God's princess—who is wonderfully blessed!) 

Psalm 21:1-3 (VOICE)

The king {princess} is glad because You, O Eternal, are strong. In light of Your salvation, he is singing Your name. You have given him {the princess} all he {she} could wish for. After hearing his {her} prayer, You withheld nothing. [pause] True blessings You lavished upon the king {princess}; a crown of precious gold You placed upon his {her} head.

Thanks Living! Noticing God's blessings.

Thanks Living! Praising and giving thanks for who God is, and all He is doing in my life. 

Blessing Celebration 16 years!

Thanks Living. 

Each year in October I take time to reflect and focus on all the blessings that God has given me. This October 25 will be the 16th anniversary of my back injury. Sixteen years. 

I remember Oct 25, 2000 very clearly. Although at times it would have been nice to know the future God had planned for me, God in His wisdom, knew it was best I didn't know. I needed to trust Him daily and rely on Him. 

As I was thinking back this morning and studying Psalm 30:5 "joy comes in the morning." I remember so clearly those dark painful times—and thinking, "would morning ever come again?" Where is the joy? Will I ever know joy again? Or has the all-consuming-pain robbed me of joy forever? 

I realized I had a choice to make. The pain wasn't going away. But I could escape the dark, lonely, despair of the night! How? By making a choice — by choosing to remember the facts I know about God Almighty. By understanding who God is and that He really is in control and He has a plan and purpose for me—I could begin to see the dawning of the morning. The plan and purpose of my life—to glorify Him in all I do, say, think, and how I live my life—would allow the morning to dawn and bring with it God's joy. 

Thanks Living. Taking time in the midst of the dark times of pain and despair to remember who God Almighty is and His plan of my life. 

Thanks Living. That even in the midst of pain, God really does give joy and peace. 

Thanks Living. Taking the time to celebrate God and His amazing goodness toward me. 

Thanks Living. Celebrate God's blessings in my life and give Him the praise and honor for who He is and all He does. 

Psalm 30:5 (VOICE): His wrath, you see, is fleeting, but His grace lasts a lifetime. The deepest pains may linger through the night, but joy greets the soul with the smile of morning.

Psalm 30:5 (GW): His anger lasts only a moment. His favor lasts a lifetime. Weeping may last for the night, but there is a song of joy in the morning.

Blessings Celebration: 15 Years

There are moments in time that are etched into our minds. One of those moments for me happened on October 25, 2000. I remember the dark green sofa on which I was reclining. I remember trying to get work done to meet a deadline, in spite of battling bronchitis. I remember the deep coughing and then a searing burning sharp intense pain. I remember rolling off the sofa onto the floor in pain. I remember trying to get up and realizing that it was just too painful to move. I remember....... 

Over the past 15 years, I remember the numerous tests, procedures, surgeries, visits to specialists and the chronic pain and headaches. 

I also remember the amazing and wonderful blessings that God has showered upon me over the past 15 years. WOW! When I stop to reflect on those blessing, I can't but celebrate God's goodness. 

A few weeks ago I read Psalm 21:1-3.

The king shall have joy in Your strength, O Lord; and in Your salvation how greatly shall he rejoice! You have given him his heart’s desire, and have not withheld the request of his lips. Selah For You meet him with the blessings of goodness; You set a crown of pure gold upon his head.

I really like that phrase, "meet him with blessings of goodness." As I reflect back over the past 15 years on all the blessings of goodness that God has given me, I can't help but praise Him. 

A few highlights of the Blessings of Goodness that God has given over the past 15 years. 

• 1. Awesome Doctors.
• 2. A friend who gracious opened her home to me, so that I could live within 5 min of a Dr. who would see me twice a day for a few weeks. And she has continued to be an encouragement to me over the years. 
• 3. Spending time at my Sister's home following surgery and rehab. (God even made sure I was at the same rehab center that my sister would spend time at years later. That allowed me to know what my sister would be doing and experiencing.) 
• 4. A ride in the Good Year Blimp. (Yep, really!)
• 5. Introduction to an amazing FRIEND! And the friendship as grown stronger over the years. Truly a blessing from God. 
• 6. A pharmacy mistake that led to them paying for an expensive medication! (A total God thing!)
• 7. Contest wins..... oh so many! Some I enjoyed, some I passed along as gifts and some I was able to sell to help pay bills. Some of the highlights include: a bike, a HUGE grill, NASCAR grandstand tickets (which God changed to PIT Passes), tickets to a musical show, gift cards to restaurants, grocery stores, online shops, t-shirts, hats, autographed items... the list goes on and on!
• 8. Timing. God's timing is always perfect. From using geese to keep me from leaving (that delay kept me from an accident), or car repairs delaying a car purchase until the right one was ready. To me moving to Florida and getting settled-in so that I could be here to help my parents during my Mom's hospitalization. To leading me to a different vehicle as I'll be driving my parents around. God is always on time, never late! 
• 9. The Castle. I still am in awe that God made way to provide this awesome home for my parents and I. As I think through the details that God worked through and all that God taught me, all I can say is... "Thank you, Lord!" (Read about it here: http://createapositiveday.blogspot.com/2015/05/announcement-part-1-im-moving.html.)
• 10. And I can't forget Max, my parakeet. God gave him to me on April 2003 for my birthday. Max provided many laughs and silly companionship over the years. Max died on August 28, 2015 of a heart attack. I'm so thankful for all the fun memories I have of that silly little bird.

Meet him with Blessings of Goodness. 

I can honestly say, that God has met me with MANY blessings of goodness over the past 15 years. Very thankful for God's blessings of goodness! 

Rejoice

[Even] now I rejoice in the midst of my sufferings on your behalf. And in my own person I am making up whatever is still lacking and remains to be completed [on our part] of Christ’s afflictions, for the sake of His body, which is the church. Colossians 1:24 (AMP)

Rejoice in the midst of my sufferings.

As we read the Apostle Paul's writings, we know that he suffered much. Paul is writing Colossians from prison. We know from Acts 16:25 that even while in Prison, Paul was rejoicing:

"But about midnight, as Paul and Silas were praying and singing hymns of praise to God, and the [other] prisoners were listening to them" (AMP). 

Rejoice. 

Lately, God has been blessing me abundantly, so it's been easy to rejoice. When things are going well, we have no problem being happy and singing. 

But when things don't go as we had planned, or it gets hard, or "bad things" happen—then it is MUCH harder to rejoice. 

But rejoicing isn't to be based on circumstances

or how we feel, or if we are happy.

Rejoicing is to be based on

WHO we know—God Almighty! 

God—does not change. God loves us. We may not "feel loved" or understand why we must go through situations or endure pain, but that DOES NOT change the FACT that God is God. 

"Oh, you are just saying to rejoice because things are going well for you." 

Even though God is blessing me, I still live in chronic pain and have a chronic headache. Life is "not easy" for me. But in the midst of my suffering, I know that God in His grace and mercy has a plan to accomplish His purpose. I may not understand the 'whys', but I know that I can trust God. 

Rejoice. 

How do I rejoice during the good times and bad times? It begins with being permeated with a deep sense of reverence for God (Acts 9:31; MSG). For when I know that God is working, and He is in control and He loves me—then I can rejoice because of HIM! 

Blessings Celebration Day 2014!

There are some days that we never forget. One of those days for me is Oct 25, 2000. That was the day I injured my back. At the time, little did I know all that God had planned as He started me on a new journey. It is now Oct 25, 2014...12 back surgeries and too many to count procedures and treatments later. 

Chronic pain demands attention. By that I mean it makes you change the way you live. Because pain demands attention, I knew that I would have to work hard to keep my focus on the positive. Thus, my philosophy, "Create a Positive Day!".

Each year on the anniversary of my injury, I take time to CELEBRATE the blessings God has given me over the past year. Each year, I am amazed and overwhelmed by God kindness and the creative ways He takes care of me. I highly recommend having a Blessings Celebration! 

Please join me today in thanking God for all the blessings.

It's Blessings Celebration Day!

14 Years!

One week until my "Blessings Celebrate Day!" 

Can't believe that this year marks 14 years since I injured my back. Each year on/near the anniversary of Oct 25th, I celebrate the blessings God has given me over the past year. And each year, I continue to be amazed at His generosity, HIs kindness, and His creativity in giving me blessings. 

This year, I'd like to know what, if anything, you've learned because of my journey of chronic pain. I know that I have learned so much. But I'd like to know if you too have learned anything as you've followed me, prayed for me, or have gotten to know me over the past 14 years. 

If you have learned anything as you've read my blog, or followed my journey, please comment. 

Thank you. Looking forward to hearing what my friends are learning because of my journey.

Rest Contented

This year, I'm sharing my "Treasures" of my study of my "Ponder the Morsels" book. I've picked 11 Psalms to study throughout 2013. Today I studied Psalm 8. Here is what I learned.

I am already in the soft embrace of the Eternal, so why do you beckon me to leave, saying, “Fly like a bird to the mountains. Psalm 11:1 (VOICE)

I’ve already run for dear life straight to the arms of God. So why would I run away now? Psalm 11:1 (MSG)

I ·trust in the Lord for protection [find refuge in the Lord]. So why do you say to me, “·Fly [Flee] like a bird to your mountain. Psalm 11:1 (EXB)

Safety. Embrace. Happy. 

Yesterday, Max, my parakeet, accompanied me to my Doctor’s appointment. Throughout the office visit, Max sat on my shoulder talking and chatting. The Staff and Doctor went in and out of the door, and Max stayed contented on my shoulder. Why would he fly away, knowing that he was safe and secure on my shoulder? 

Throughout the office visit, Max talked and chatted. His favorite word was “happy”. My Doctored enjoyed Max’s visit, which was evident by her laughter. 

Max was so content and felt at ease on my shoulder, so much so, that he settled down and cleaned his feathers, walked around on my shoulder and chatted happily. Max’s actions displayed his contentment and security. 

I can think of no better place to be than in the arms of God. But there is a difference of being in the arms of God and fighting to be released, to resting and being content in the arms of God. 

Resting contented in the arms of God. I have to say that the past few months, I’ve been doing some fighting to get out of God’s soft embrace. Oh, I didn’t want to leave His embrace, but I was not content on where He “had placed me”. More pain, having to take more medications, struggling with the ‘whys’ of it all.... but thankfully, God didn’t let me break free of His embrace. Resting contented in the arms of God, knowing full well that He knows what He is doing and He has a well designed plan. I’m to simply rest and accept God’s hug. 

To create a positive day, I need to stop struggling and rest contented in the safe and secure arms of God. 

Change the Worry into Happy

This year, I'm sharing my "Treasures" of my study of my "Ponder the Morsels" book. I've picked 31 Psalms to study throughout 2013. Today I studied Psalm 8. Here is what I learned.

The birds in the ·sky [heavens],  the fish in the sea, and everything that ·lives under water [passes/travels on the paths of the sea. Psalm 8:8 (EXB)

I’ve learned much from Max, my parakeet, over the past 10 years. As much as I want to control him, he does things that I cannot control. He seems to understand some of what I say, “bedtime”, for example. When I say that, he walks over to me and gives me a kiss and looks down the hallway... he is ready to go into his night cage to go to sleep. But does he really understand what I say, or is it that he knows the routine of the night? 

When I watch Max, I’m amazed at how he knows how to clean his feathers. I didn’t teach him that. God instilled that knowledge into birds when he created them. I love Max’s coloring, bright yellow head and green feathers. I can’t change the coloring of his feathers, again God designed Max that way. 

When I think of the birds of the sky, I’m reminded of this verse:

“Look at the birds. They don’t plant, harvest, or gather the harvest into barns. Yet, your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? “Can any of you add a single hour to your life by worrying? Matthew 6:26, 27 (GW)

I have an appointment with my Pain Management Dr today. We are going to discuss the next step in trying to reduce the new pain caused by the surgery in April. To be honest, I’m a bit worried about what we might need to try. I really don’t want another procedure that can cause more irritation to the nerves.

But worrying about what MIGHT happen, doesn’t help in anyway. God has a plan and a purpose. He’s proven again and again, that He will put me exactly where He wants me to accomplish His will and purpose. 

Since God cares for the birds—I KNOW He’ll care for me. And as a reminder of God’s care, I’m taking Max with me to my Doctor’s appointment today. My Doctor likes Max and I know that she’ll enjoy seeing him again. 

To create a positive day, I need to change the worry into, as Max would say, “happy”, by trusting that God cares and really does know best. 

Update: Max enjoyed visiting with my Dr., and my Dr really enjoyed Max’s visit! And God once again showed His care and guidance. My Dr. has decided to delay any invasive treatments and opted to try some noninvasive treatments first. Thankful that God helped me change my worry into happy!

My 2 Cents!

This year, I'm sharing my "Treasures" of my study of my "Ponder the Morsels" book. I've picked 31 Psalms to study throughout 2013. Today I studied Psalm 100. Here is what I learned.

Since the most recent back surgery, I’ve been dealing with a new pain in the back. My doctors are working on finding the cause and how to treat it. Until then, I am in waiting mode. This morning, I woke up and began to give God my 2 cents on how He could alleviate the pain, or at least make it a bit more comfortable for me. Then I read Psalm 100:5. 

Because the Eternal is good, His loyal love and mercy will never end, and His truth will last throughout all generations. Psalm 100:5 (VOICE)

The Lord is good. His ·love [loyalty] is forever, and his ·loyalty [faithfulness] ·goes on and on [for all generations]. Psalm 100:5 (EXB)

"His mercy is everlasting." God is not mere justice, stern and cold; he has bowels of compassion, and wills not the sinner's death. Towards his own people mercy is still more conspicuously displayed; it has been theirs from all eternity, and shall be theirs world without end. Everlasting mercy is a glorious theme for sacred song. "And his truth endureth to all generations." No fickle being is he, promising and forgetting. He has entered into covenant with his people, and he will never revoke it, nor alter the thing that has gone out of his lips. As our fathers found him faithful, so will our sons, and their seed for ever. A changeable God would be a terror to the righteous, they would have no sure anchorage, and amid a changing world they would be driven to and fro in perpetual fear of shipwreck. It were well if the truth of divine faithfulness were more fully remembered by some theologians; it would overturn their belief in the final fall of believers, and teach them a more consolatory system. Our heart leaps for Joy as we bow before One who has never broken his word or changed his purpose. The Treasury of David 

"Our heart leaps for Joy as we bow before One who has never broken his word or changed his purpose." The Treasury of David 

I often try to tell God what He should be doing, like He really needs my 2¢! He not only knows the past, but if fully aware of the future. He has a specific purpose for me, and really does not need my advice on how to accomplish His purpose.  But I still want to give my 2 cents. 

Later this morning, I went upstairs to put the laundry in the washer, and opened the dryers to air them out. I found 2¢ in one of the dyers. I laughed. I think it was God telling me, "Thanks for your advise... but honestly Rhonda, you can keep your 2 cents."

To create a positive day, I need to step back and let God work, and remember, that He does not need my 2 Cents!

Possessorship

This year, I'm sharing my "Treasures" of my study of my "Ponder the Morsels" book. I've picked 31 Psalms to study throughout 2013. Today I studied Psalm 100. Here is what I learned.

Know that the Lord is God. He made us, and ·we belong to him [or not ourselves]; we are his people, the sheep ·he tends [of his pasture]. Psalm 100:3 (EXB)

Know (perceive, recognize, and understand with approval) that the Lord is God! It is He Who has made us, not we ourselves [and we are His]! We are His people and the sheep of His pasture. Psalm 100:3 (AMP)

Ownership: legal right of possession; proprietorship, possession; use of, possessorship.

Often I like to think I’m in control of my life. However, as much as I’d like to THINK, I’m in control, I am not. For God, who created me, has ownership of me..... He should, since I am the “work of His hands” (Isaiah 64:8). 

Since God has the authority and is has rightful possessorship of me, doesn’t it make sense that I’d be willing to follow Him and His specific plan for my life? 

Possessorship. God does own me, not once but twice. He created me, and He bought me with the blood of His Son Jesus Christ. And God will not handle His “merchandise” lightly. He truly loves and cares for and about the people He created. 

I have to say, that in light of the past few weeks, this is a great comfort. Since the most recent surgery, I’ve had some additional pain, and the Doctors aren’t sure what is causing it. 

But God has complete possessorship of me, and He knows exactly what is causing the pain, and He has a He has a specific plan and purpose for me. Knowing that I am HIS, allows me to have full confidence that God is doing what He sees best to accomplish His plan. 

To create a positive day, I need to relinquish control of my life to God who ultimately His has the rightful-possessorship.

BUT

This year, I'm sharing my "Treasures" of my study of my "Ponder the Morsels" book. I've picked 31 Psalms to study throughout 2013. Today I studied Psalm 29. Here is what I learned.

The Lord ·controls [is enthroned over] the flood [controls chaos]. The Lord ·will be [is enthroned as] King forever. Psalm 29:10 (EXB)

The Lord sat as King over the deluge; the Lord [still] sits as King [and] forever! Psalm 29:10 (AMP)

"The Lord sitteth upon the flood." Flood follows tempest, but Jehovah is ready for the emergency. No deluge can undermine the foundation of his throne. He is calm and unmoved, however much the deep may roar and be troubled: his government rules the most unstable and boisterous of created things. Far out on the wild waste of waters, Jehovah "plants his footsteps in the sea, and rides upon the storm," "Yea, the Lord sitteth King for ever." Jesus has the government upon his shoulders eternally: our interests in the most stormy times are safe in his hands. Satan is not king, but Jehovah Jesus is; therefore let us worship him, and rejoice evermore. The Treasury of David

Ever feel like you are drowning or being suffocated by the chaos of circumstances? Ever feel like you’ve been left out in the storm and the flood waters are rising? 

I have. In fact the past few weeks, I’ve felt the flood waters rising—the deluge of frustration, the unknown, the lack of my control. Since my surgery on April 29, 2013, I have had a “new pain”, and quite severe in my back. First and foremost, I don’t like pain.... especially ‘new pain’. And secondly, I don’t like not knowing the cause of the pain. 

My doctors are trying to figure out the what and whys of the pain.... but even if they figure out the cause, there might not be anything they can do to relieve it. That fact alone causes the flood waters to rise even higher. 

BUT... I like that word... BUT God is in control of the deluge! God is in control of the flood waters! God is in control.... period! He KNOWS all the whats and whys. He KNOWS exactly why I have pain. He KNOWS and is controlling each and every aspect.

I don’t know WHY God is letting the flood waters rise around me right now. But (that word again) I was able to share some “Create a Positive Day” cards with some people when I had a CT scan done. (If you are one of those people, thanks for stopping by!)

The deluge may seem chaotic and overwhelming...BUT....to create a positive day, I only need to remember WHO is in control! 

His Generosity!

This year, I'm sharing my "Treasures" of my study of my "Ponder the Morsels" book. I've picked 31 Psalms to study throughout 2013. Today I studied Psalm 13. Here is what I learned.

I will sing unto the Lord, because he hath dealt bountifully with me. Psalm 13:6 (KJV)

I will sing to the Eternal, for He is always generous with me. Psalm 13:6 (VOICE)

I sing to the Lord because he has taken care of me. Psalm 13:6 (NCV)

I do sing to Jehovah, For He hath conferred benefits upon me! Psalm 13:6 (YLT)

I will sing unto the Lord,.... In prayer faith is encouraged, through believing the heart is filled with joy; and this joy is expressed by the lips, in songs of praise to the Lord, ascribing the glory of salvation to him, and giving him thanks for every mercy and blessing of life;

because he hath dealt bountifully with me; both in a way of providence and grace, granting life and preserving it, and supporting with the comforts of it; blessing with spiritual blessings, and crowning with loving kindness and tender mercies; all which is generous and bountiful dealing, and affords a just occasion of praise and thanksgiving. Gill's Exposition of the Entire Bible

Dealt bountifully, always generous, taken care of, conferred benefits upon me...... so often, when we hear those words, our minds toward the things we don’t have, rather than what we do have. 

If God is so generous, why don’t I have more... money, nicer things, etc? If God is so generous, why am I in pain, or sick, or ......? The lists continue. 

But I think that often we forget that God does not owe us anything. God in His mercy and grace first gave us the greatest gift, and that was His Son, Jesus, who died on the cross as a sacrifice for our sins. God gave us the gift of salvation, we only have to accept it. 

Secondly, God does give us many blessings, but with a specific purpose and plan in mind. He created us that we would bring Him glory and honor. And we each do that in different ways. Some sing, some preach, some through friendships, some.... yes, even because of their pain and illness. 

I know that in my own life, God has used my pain to introduce me to people I never would have met otherwise. And I have met many because I use crutches. God in His goodness, has provided me with a ministry to encourage others who live with chronic pain or illness. Now, I would not have chosen this ministry on my own...but God chose it for me. He knew that for me to serve Him best, I’d need to be in pain. Now, just because I am in pain, doesn’t mean that God has forgotten me, for He continues to bless me beyond measure! I am amazed daily at God’s generosity and love. 

To create a positive day, I only need to start counting the blessings God has generously given me, for in counting the blessings, I praise God for His generosity!

Gift of a Handicap

This year, I'm sharing my "Treasures" of my study of my "Ponder the Morsels" book. I've picked 31 Psalms to study throughout 2013. Today I studied Psalm 30. Here is what I learned.

Lord, my God, I ·prayed to you [cried to you for help], and you healed me. Psalm 30:2 (EXB)

Eternal One, my True God, I cried out to You for help; You mended the shattered pieces of my life.  Psalm 30:2 (VOICE) 

"Thou hast healed me." The verb is used, either for the healing of bodily disorders, or to denote the happy alteration of any person's affairs, either in private or public life, by the removal of any kind of distress, personal or national. So in the place before us: "Thou hast healed me," means, Thou hast brought me out of my distresses, hast restored my health, and rendered me safe and prosperous. Samuel Chandler

One question I’m often asked is “Why doesn’t God heal you?” And most often, the person asking has some reason that it is “my fault” that I’m not healed, such as sin, not enough faith, etc. I’m written many times that God CAN heal me, but He has chosen not to. God is capable of doing whatever He wants. He can heal me—and that is not dependent upon me or what I do. 

As David gives praise and glory to Lord, my God, for his healing, I think the thing to remember here is the job God had designed for David. David was to be King of Israel. God wanted him healthy to guide His chosen people. 

There are others in Scripture who had illnesses or afflictions but God decided NOT to heal. Paul had an problems with his eyes. But God chose not the heal Paul because He wanted to remind Paul to rely God’s grace and strength... and not a get a “big head” because the work God chose Paul to do. 

Because of the extravagance of those revelations, and so I wouldn’t get a big head, I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan’s angel did his best to get me down; what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn’t think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. Three times I did that, and then he told me,

My grace is enough; it’s all you need.

My strength comes into its own in your weakness.

Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ’s strength moving in on my weakness. Now I take limitations in stride, and with good cheer, these limitations that cut me down to size—abuse, accidents, opposition, bad breaks. I just let Christ take over! And so the weaker I get, the stronger I become. 2 Corinthians 12:7-10 (MSG)

“You healed me.” I have to say that I do think that God has healed me. Not from the physical pain, but from the soul pain of “why am I not healed?” I continue to learn that God has different ways to heal, and He heals in accordance to His plan. For me, He allows the physical pain, but has given me overwhelming peace knowing that God is working to accomplish His will through me. I have a constant reminder that God is at work, and that He loves me and cares for me. Yes, my pain is a reminder of God’s love. For I know that He gave me this “gift of a handicap” to remind me of my limitations, and rely on God’s grace and strength! 

To create a positive day, I need to thank God for His gift of a handicap, and to use it to share His amazing love with others.

I am Spectacular!

Throughout this year, each day of the month, I'm "Treasure Hunting" in a Psalm. I've created a "Ponder Every Morsel of Truth" Book to record the truths as I learn them. The tenth of each month, I'm studying Psalm 111. Here's what Treasure I found today.

The Lord’s deeds are spectacular. They should be studied by all who enjoy them. Psalm 111:2 (GW)

The works of the Eternal are many and wondrous! They are examined by all who delight in them. Psalm 111:2 (VOICE)

God’s works are so great, worth A lifetime of study—endless enjoyment! Psalm 111:2 (MSG)

"The works of the Lord are great." In design, in size, in number, in excellence, all the works of the Lord are great. Even the little things of God are great. 

"Sought out of all them that have pleasure therein." Those who love their Maker delight in his handiworks, they perceive that there is more in them than appears upon the surface, and therefore they bend their minds to study and understand them. 

"Worthy of being sought after in all their purposes," and this also is a grand truth, for the end and design which God hath in all that he makes or does is equally admirable with the work itself. The hidden wisdom of God is the most marvelous part of his works, and hence those who do not look below the surface miss the best part of what he would teach us. The Treasury of David

I think one of the most special blessings that I have enjoyed the most that has been a result of my chronic pain, is that I’ve learned how truly wonderful God designed the body.

I will offer You my grateful heart, for I am Your unique creation, filled with wonder and awe. You have approached even the smallest details with excellence; Your works are wonderful; I carry this knowledge deep within my soul. Psalm 139:14 (VOICE)

I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this. Psalm 139:14 (GW)

Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex! Your workmanship is marvelous—how well I know it. Psalm 139:14 (NLT)

I continue to be amazed at how the body works, and adjusts to various things. This past year, I’ve learned more about foods and how my body uses foods and what it needs to function at its best. I have to say before losing the weight, I simply ate because it all tasted so good! Now, as I continue to learn about foods and how they effect me and my body, I am not only enjoying the tastes of foods, but appreciating what they do for my body. 

Throughout the past, almost 13 years, I have also learned how interconnected the body is. Often I can reduce my headache by massaging or using my Stim-Pro on my foot! Yes, the feet have corresponding points to relieve headaches. The more I study how the body works as a whole and the individual parts, I have to stop and think, “Wow! What an absolutely amazing, awesome God!” And the more I learn about what God created, that should want me to praise Him more, and study His spectacular works more. 

I am Spectacular!

No, not because

of something I’ve done,

rather because

I’m a “spectacular work of God!”

That thought in and of itself should have a great impact on my attitude and actions! Being spectacular, is special, because I was designed by God. And being designed by God, has its responsibilities—that includes praising God and honoring Him with my life. 

To create a positive day, I need to celebrate “I am Spectacular—because I’m a work of the amazing, awesome God!” 

Approved and Appointed to Accomplish

Throughout this year, each day of the month, I'm "Treasure Hunting" in a Psalm. I've created a "Ponder Every Morsel of Truth" Book to record the truths as I learn them. The second of each month, I'm studying Psalm 4. Here's what Treasure I found today.

You know that the Lord has ·chosen [set apart; distinguished] for himself those who are loyal to him [in covenant relationship with him].The Lord listens when I ·pray [call] to him. Psalm 4:3 (EXB)

Know that the Lord singles out godly people for himself. The Lord hears me when I call to him. Psalm 4:3 (GW)

But know that the Lord has set apart for Himself [and given distinction to] him who is godly [the man of loving-kindness]. The Lord listens and heeds when I call to Him. Psalm 4:3 (AMP)

Chosen: separate, set apart, sever; a primitive root; to distinguish (literally or figuratively) -- put a difference, show marvellous, set apart, make wonderfully. 

Chosen: Part of Speech: adjective Definition: preferred

Chosen, accepted: Part of Speech: adjective Definition: generally agreed upon

Chosen, destined: Part of Speech: adjective Definition: en route, on the road to

Being chosen by God doesn’t mean that I just sit and do nothing. Being chosen is an honor, but also comes with responsibilities. I’ve been chosen, that means approved and appointed to accomplish God’s plan. 

God also decided ahead of time to choose us through Christ according to his plan, which makes everything work the way he intends. He planned all of this so that we who had already focused our hope on Christ would praise him and give him glory. Ephesians 1:11-12 (GW)

As I think of being "Approved and Appointed to Accomplish" it sure helps put the past 13 years living in chronic pain in perspective. God has chosen me, but with that comes responsibility to accomplish His will. It's not about me, rather it's to be about Him and sharing His love with those around me. This is another good lesson for me to remember as I prepare and face back surgery number 12 on April 29th. I'm not "just going in for surgery" rather, I have a “designed by God appointment”—God has approved and appointed me to accomplish His specific plan and to let each person I meet know about my amazing God. 

The Lord has chosen, approved and appointed me to accomplish a specific plan He has designed for me. Knowing that I’m approved and appointed to accomplish God’s will, makes a very positive day! 

Peace in the Midst of Pain

Throughout this year, each day of the month, I'm "Treasure Hunting" in a Psalm. I've created a "Ponder Every Morsel of Truth" Book to record the truths as I learn them. The seventeenth of each month, I'm studying Psalm 13. Here's what Treasure I found today.

How long must I ·worry [or bear pain; [hold counsels] and ·feel sad [hold sorrow] in my heart all day? How long will my enemy ·win [rise up] over me? Psalm 13:2 (EXB)

How: of time to what point ?

Long: as far (or long, or much) as.

How long? Like that proverbial question, “Are we there yet?”. How much longer? Will it ever end? 

Sorrow: affliction -- grief

Heart: inner man, mind, will, specifically of seat of the emotions and passions.

Daily: always, continually, each day.

Each day when I awake I hope to find the sorrow, grief, pain gone, but it remains. 

Having sorrow in my heart daily - Every day; constantly. That is, there was no intermission to his troubles. The sorrow in his heart seems to have been not merely that which was caused by troubles from without, but also that which sprang from the painful necessity of attempting to form plans for his own relief - plans which seemed to be in vain. Barnes' Notes on the Bible

In October 2000, I injured my back. I figured in a few days that pain would be gone. However, it remains. Each day when I wake up, the pain greets me. At times it’s overwhelming. I wonder, how long will the pain remain. Will it ever go away? 

Yet, greater than physical pain, is the grief and sorrow that is present when the soul is in pain. What causes ‘soul pain’? Several things. First, and foremost, I can cause ‘soul pain’ when I’m not right with God. When I allow sin to come between me and God. Secondly, ‘soul pain’ can be caused by Satan trying to rob me of God’s peace. Doubts and fears take place of God’s peace and comfort. And lastly, ‘soul pain’ can be growing pains. As God stretches my faith and teaches me more about Him, the soul can grieve knowing what an amazing God I have, and what a small being I am, yet He loves me. 

How long? Will it ever end? Although the pain may not end while on earth, knowing that God is still God does allows my soul to have peace—even in the midst of pain. God is still at work. He remains faithful to His promises. He will not forsake His children. God is still God! 

I don’t have to be ‘pain-free’ to create a positive day. I only need to rest in God’s goodness and watch Him work, then I can have peace in the midst of pain. And the peace that God gives, creates a positive day!

Update on Spinal Stimulator Trial

On Jan 31, 2013 I had a Spinal Implant Stimulator wire inserted in the epidural space to see if we could get a new spinal stimulator to help reduce my leg pain. The Dr had a difficult time inserting the wire due to the old stimulator paddle and scar tissue.

We were able to get the wire placed with some stim in the leg. I was able to "play" with the stim settings for several days to evaluate if it helped or caused more pain. The wire was removed on Feb 5th. 

We learned a few things from the trial:

1. There is scar tissue near the paddle (how much, we don't know)
2. The wire has to be EXACTLY mid-line in the back and at a higher level (T6 area)
3. If the wire is even slightly left or right, the stim moves to the front & creates pain. 

Since the removal of the wire on Feb 5, my pain level has been much higher. Not sure if the scar tissue is now pressing nerves, or if the nerves were just irritated by the wire/stim. My Pain Management Dr has been out of the office this week, but one of her Associates was able to get stronger pain med. I plan on talking with my Dr this next week (Feb 18-22) as to what, if anything we can do to lower the pain level at least back to "normal". 

What have I learned during this time?

• That God doesn't change depending on my pain level. 
• That even though I cannot do anything (moving hurts!), I can still pray for people. 
• That music with the right message is important to my "soul health" which is vital in tolerating the physical pain. (My Ponder Morsel for Feb 14, 2013)
• That it's okay to say "ouch" once and awhile. I usually try to be very strong and don't want to be a "complainer". But saying "ouch" is just stating a fact. I'm not complaining.

Where do I go from here? The first step is to see if we can get the pain level back to my "normal" level (which is plenty high enough). Then I have a few options as to what to do regarding the Spinal Stimulator.

• One option is to have another trial, which would be a "partial permanent implant" trial. That means the Dr would implant the wire/paddle and secure it in place. Part of the wire would be worn externally for a week or two to see if I'd get any relief. If the placement is correct and it works, the Dr. would disconnect the external wiring and connect new wires implanting the wires and new battery pack (IPG). If it did not work, the Dr. would remove the implant and wiring. 
• Another option is to have the old stimulator wiring and battery pack (IPG) removed. And 'give up' on using a Spinal Stimulator Implant for pain relief. 
• The last option is to see if the old stimulator wiring, battery pack (IPG) and paddle can be removed. Removing the paddle may not be easy due to the placement on the spinal cord and the scar tissue in that area. This would also be 'giving up' on using a Spinal Stimulator Implant for pain relief. 

How do I "feel" about all this?

• I'm thankful for some answers regarding the Spinal Stimulator Implant. We know that for me to get any relief the wire/paddle has to be exactly mid-line and higher. 
• I don't like the increased pain. And I have to take that into consideration as I make my decision on another implant trial. Each time I have surgery I will grow more scar tissue and that can irritate more nerves. 
• I'm thankful for the stronger pain medications, but don't like the side-effects. 

Right now I'm in the "waiting room". And as many of you know, I'm not a very good "waiter". But I'm trying to learn that waiting is not a bad thing. As I wait, I can continue to pray about my decision and continue to research my options. 

Thank you for your prayers as I "wait". God is good all the time! And all the time God is good! 

Creating a positive day isn't easy when the pain level is extreme. But I'm learning that the day can be very positive if I keep my focus on what God is doing, and allow God to teach me and use me to help others.