Update on Spinal Stimulator Trial

On Jan 31, 2013 I had a Spinal Implant Stimulator wire inserted in the epidural space to see if we could get a new spinal stimulator to help reduce my leg pain. The Dr had a difficult time inserting the wire due to the old stimulator paddle and scar tissue.

We were able to get the wire placed with some stim in the leg. I was able to "play" with the stim settings for several days to evaluate if it helped or caused more pain. The wire was removed on Feb 5th. 

We learned a few things from the trial:

1. There is scar tissue near the paddle (how much, we don't know)
2. The wire has to be EXACTLY mid-line in the back and at a higher level (T6 area)
3. If the wire is even slightly left or right, the stim moves to the front & creates pain. 

Since the removal of the wire on Feb 5, my pain level has been much higher. Not sure if the scar tissue is now pressing nerves, or if the nerves were just irritated by the wire/stim. My Pain Management Dr has been out of the office this week, but one of her Associates was able to get stronger pain med. I plan on talking with my Dr this next week (Feb 18-22) as to what, if anything we can do to lower the pain level at least back to "normal". 

What have I learned during this time?

• That God doesn't change depending on my pain level. 
• That even though I cannot do anything (moving hurts!), I can still pray for people. 
• That music with the right message is important to my "soul health" which is vital in tolerating the physical pain. (My Ponder Morsel for Feb 14, 2013)
• That it's okay to say "ouch" once and awhile. I usually try to be very strong and don't want to be a "complainer". But saying "ouch" is just stating a fact. I'm not complaining.

Where do I go from here? The first step is to see if we can get the pain level back to my "normal" level (which is plenty high enough). Then I have a few options as to what to do regarding the Spinal Stimulator.

• One option is to have another trial, which would be a "partial permanent implant" trial. That means the Dr would implant the wire/paddle and secure it in place. Part of the wire would be worn externally for a week or two to see if I'd get any relief. If the placement is correct and it works, the Dr. would disconnect the external wiring and connect new wires implanting the wires and new battery pack (IPG). If it did not work, the Dr. would remove the implant and wiring. 
• Another option is to have the old stimulator wiring and battery pack (IPG) removed. And 'give up' on using a Spinal Stimulator Implant for pain relief. 
• The last option is to see if the old stimulator wiring, battery pack (IPG) and paddle can be removed. Removing the paddle may not be easy due to the placement on the spinal cord and the scar tissue in that area. This would also be 'giving up' on using a Spinal Stimulator Implant for pain relief. 

How do I "feel" about all this?

• I'm thankful for some answers regarding the Spinal Stimulator Implant. We know that for me to get any relief the wire/paddle has to be exactly mid-line and higher. 
• I don't like the increased pain. And I have to take that into consideration as I make my decision on another implant trial. Each time I have surgery I will grow more scar tissue and that can irritate more nerves. 
• I'm thankful for the stronger pain medications, but don't like the side-effects. 

Right now I'm in the "waiting room". And as many of you know, I'm not a very good "waiter". But I'm trying to learn that waiting is not a bad thing. As I wait, I can continue to pray about my decision and continue to research my options. 

Thank you for your prayers as I "wait". God is good all the time! And all the time God is good! 

Creating a positive day isn't easy when the pain level is extreme. But I'm learning that the day can be very positive if I keep my focus on what God is doing, and allow God to teach me and use me to help others. 

Payday

PayDay. That phrase has two meaning.

One is good—payday, as in the day you receive payment for services rendered. You get "money"!

The other meaning, means that it's time to "pay-up". The day YOU have to pay has arrived. 

Today is "payday" for me... and no I'm not receiving money... rather I'm "paying-up" for the activity I did the previous day.  I had to opportunity to attend a local, annual Festival, a Car Show, and meet with some staff of a Company which makes a great product. When I chose to do anything, I have to consider.... "Is this activity worth the extra pain?" 

Often, I'm asked, "If it increases the pain, why do it?" Well, I live with chronic pain—it is a CONSTANT. And over the years, I've learned that if I do "nothing" I still hurt. So, when I have the opportunity to do something fun and enjoyable, I do my best to enjoy it. And yes, all the while, I know that I'll have to "pay for it". So, I'm now "paying" for the activity. My headache and pain is severe.

SO was the activity really worth the increase in pain? Let's see....

Pros of "doing something fun":

1. Learned about new products to help me as I continue to work toward being healthier. 

2. Met some nice people at both the Festival and Car Show. 

3. Met the Staff from Sunshine Burger and enjoyed talking with them. 

4. Spent time outside in the beautiful sunshine. 

Cons of yesterday's activities:

1. Increased pain. 

Four to one... I'd say that the activity was worth the increased pain.

So, now that "payday" as arrived, what do I do? Again that comes down to choices. I can focus on the pain and how much I hurt, or I can enjoy the fun memories and continue to enjoy today. 

How long will "payday" last? It varies. It can take a day for my pain level to return to "normal" or it can take a few weeks. One aspect of learning to live with chronic pain is realizing that the pain will get even worse from time to time. And making wise decisions in choosing what to do when. 

Since today is a "payday" for me, I knew that I'd have to change my focus from my pain to something better. So, I have been listening to some great music this morning (Bryan Duncan, Damaris Carbaugh, The Ball Brothers, to name a few). And I listened to some Sermons on Ecclesiastes (Calvary Baptist Church). 

"By day the Lord directs his love, at night his song is with me—a prayer to the God of my life." Psalm 42:8 (NIV)

On "payday" the key for me is to keep my focus off the pain, and focus on the positive and uplifting! On some paydays, that is more difficult. I've learned the when I change my focus—payday (having to owe), turns into a payday—receiving blessings from God!

Even on "payday" I can create a positive day... if I make the right choice in changing my focus!

Two Constants

I have TWO CONSTANTS in my life.

And I'm learning that focusing

on ONE CONSTANT creates a miserable day,

while focusing on ONE CONSTANT

creates a day filled with blessings. 

What are these TWO CONSTANTS? 

1. Pain: chronic pain and headaches that are continuing without pause or letup; unceasing. 

2. God's love and peace: unconditional, faithful; unswerving in love, steadfast; firm in mind or purpose, not changing or varying, persistent.

This past couple of weeks, my headache and pain have been more intense than 'normal'.  

And when the pain is SCREAMING at me, it gets my attention. Yet, I'm learning that if I allow the pain to get my FULL ATTENTION, my day turns into a miserable day. The more I focus on the pain and how bad it is, the more the pain increases and the worse I feel. 

Yet, how do I change my focus from the pain—after all it's SCREAMING at me! 

I have to find something that will

"SCREAM EVEN LOUDER"!

What screams louder than

CONSTANT CHRONIC PAIN?

God's Truth.

God knows that each of us will have days where things will SCREAM at us. Whether it be pain, financial worries, dealing with people, just life in general. Therefore, God provided the perfect "prescription" to muffle one SCREAM and replace it with a more positive and comforting "SCREAM". 

"And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers and sisters, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." Philippians 4:7-9 (NIV)

When I change my focus from the SCREAMING pain to "whatever is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable..... the screaming pain begins to change to a DULL ROAR.

Oh, the pain level is still high— it's just that when my focus is on something SO MUCH BETTER, there isn't much room for the pain thoughts. The less I think about the pain—the more my day improves.

So, there are TWO CONSTANTS in my life and I have a CHOICE as to which one gets my ATTENTION. If I want to CREATE A POSITIVE DAY—than I need to allow GOD'S TRUTH to SCREAM the loudest! 

Which choice will you make today? Which CONSTANT in your life will get your attention?

Fear Creates Its Own Reality

For God hath not given us

the spirit of fear; but of power,

and of love, and of a sound mind.

2 Timothy 1:7 (KJV)

On June 29th I'll begin a new phase of my journey. That afternoon, I'll meet with a Doctor to begin weaning off my current pain medications so that I can go through some new treatments this Summer. When my Pain Management Doctor and I made the decision to try this treatment, I knew I wanted to wait until after my remodel. We both agreed that I'd need all my pain medications during that time. 

One thing I hadn't counted on was, how sly Satan's is. Before my remodel, I was trying to give away my old sofabed. I wanted to take pictures of it, and thought I'd open it. I'd done that many times before and had no problem. It has an easy to open feature. But as I opened it, I twisted my back....OUCH!
The pain was extreme. Immediately, Satan took advantage of that and put this thought in my head, "If your strong medication isn't powerful enough NOW to help lower your pain, how will you make it on weaker medications?" I should have immediately ignored that thought....but I didn't. I continued thinking on it. The more I thought on it, the more fear took hold.

Fear is a powerful thing.

It can paralyze a person

from doing something great.

It ignores all other facts and

creates its own reality. 

I tried all the usual 'tricks' to settle the pain, but it seemed to get stronger... another result of fear. The more I focused on the pain and the fear of being in more pain (due to weaker meds), the stronger the pain became. 

Things continued to get worse until I DEMANDED my mind to focus on 2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

  

As I focused on God
and HIS POWER,

I began to get a new perspective

on my pain and
the upcoming procedures. 

Yes, my pain level is still high, and may go higher as I wean off the medications. HOWEVER, it's NOTHING I have to fear. The past 10 years, God has been teaching me how to handle pain. He has provided unique techniques which help my body relax. Even if the pain does increase, it's only temporary. 

And this is just PART of the journey. The goal in weaning off the medications and doing the new treatment is to lower my pain—long term. And if it doesn't work, my Doctors and I do know which combination of medication and treatments do help lower the pain. 

So, as I look ahead to the start of the next phase, I have a choice to make. I can approach this new phase of my journey with FEAR, or I can choose to focus on God and HIS POWER. If I choose fear, the journey will be more difficult and I'll miss blessings God has in store for me. If I choose God and His Power, the road will be tough, but filled with blessings. It's my choice. 

Fear is powerful. Yet, God is more powerful. As I begin the new treatments, I know that Satan will be close by ready to take advantage of any opportunity he sees. When my pain level increases, it will be easy to focus on the pain and fear. However, God gives me the POWER, LOVE and a SOUND MIND, all I have to do is choose it.

The goal is to keep my focus

on the positive power of God.