On My Mind

This year, I'm sharing my "Treasures" of my study of my "Ponder the Morsels" book. I've picked 31 Psalms to study throughout 2013. Today I studied Psalm 1. Here is what I learned.

They ·love [delight in] the Lord’s ·teachings [laws; instructions], and they ·think about [meditate on] those ·teachings [laws; instructions] day and night. Psalm 1:2 (EXB)

Delight: delightsome, desire, purpose, a valuable thing, things desired.

Laws: of codes of law, instructions, teachings.

Meditate: soliloquize, to ponder -- imagine, study. 

Day: daily, in the daytime.

Night: literally night, opposed to day.

In late 2012, I thought that I needed to do more meditating. That is I’m creating this Ponder of Morsels Book. “I ponder every morsel of wisdom from you.” Psalm 119:15 (MSG).

On January 1, 2013, as I started studying the 31 Psalms I had picked, I wondered if my study would have an impact in my life. Would I really mediate on the truth I found each day? Would my Ponder Morsel be in my thoughts?  The answer is YES! God has shown me that He has much to teach me and I’m enjoying focusing my thoughts on His truth. 

It’s exciting to see what God wants to teach me each day and what morsel of truth, I can think on throughout my day..... and night. 

Psalm 1:2 discusses meditating on God’s teaching day and night. In order to meditate, one first has to study the learn God’s instruction. The idea of “day and night” means continually. That does not mean that I don’t think of other things. Rather, it means that as I go about my day, and wake up at night, the Ponder Morsel is “on my mind”. 

On my mind. There are  songs that “get stuck in our heads” and we can’t seem to get them off our mind... example “It’s a Small World” or “The Song that Never Ends”. Have you ever loved someone so much that he/she seems to be always on your mind? That is the concept meditating day and night. God’s truth is ever present. And not only is God’s truth always on my mind—it should have an impact on my thoughts, actions and attitude. 

For example, I woke up many times last night, and was starting to focus on the pain and getting very frustrated that I could not get comfortable. But my Ponder Morsel for yesterday was “peace in the midst of pain”. As I started focusing on all that God had done for me, His love and care, and His goodness, I found that I was overwhelmed with peace. As my focus changed from the pain to God, that allowed my mind and soul to realize God’s peace. The pain remained, but the frustration and worry was erased. When the soul is at peace, the body can relax and my mind is no longer racing with thoughts of pain and agony. 

I have also found myself thinking of past Ponder Morsels as I go about daily routines. I’ll do something, or hear a song, and it reminds me of a truth.  This is what Psalm 1:2 is teaching. When I study God’s Word and take the time to think on it, the truth will have an impact in my life. 

Ponder Morsels are not just cute sayings, or stories, rather they are morsels, tidbits, of God’s truth. When I have a desire to study God’s truth, and ponder it continually, it can have an impact on my life. To create a positive day, God’s truth must always be..... on my mind. 

Peace in the Midst of Pain

Throughout this year, each day of the month, I'm "Treasure Hunting" in a Psalm. I've created a "Ponder Every Morsel of Truth" Book to record the truths as I learn them. The seventeenth of each month, I'm studying Psalm 13. Here's what Treasure I found today.

How long must I ·worry [or bear pain; [hold counsels] and ·feel sad [hold sorrow] in my heart all day? How long will my enemy ·win [rise up] over me? Psalm 13:2 (EXB)

How: of time to what point ?

Long: as far (or long, or much) as.

How long? Like that proverbial question, “Are we there yet?”. How much longer? Will it ever end? 

Sorrow: affliction -- grief

Heart: inner man, mind, will, specifically of seat of the emotions and passions.

Daily: always, continually, each day.

Each day when I awake I hope to find the sorrow, grief, pain gone, but it remains. 

Having sorrow in my heart daily - Every day; constantly. That is, there was no intermission to his troubles. The sorrow in his heart seems to have been not merely that which was caused by troubles from without, but also that which sprang from the painful necessity of attempting to form plans for his own relief - plans which seemed to be in vain. Barnes' Notes on the Bible

In October 2000, I injured my back. I figured in a few days that pain would be gone. However, it remains. Each day when I wake up, the pain greets me. At times it’s overwhelming. I wonder, how long will the pain remain. Will it ever go away? 

Yet, greater than physical pain, is the grief and sorrow that is present when the soul is in pain. What causes ‘soul pain’? Several things. First, and foremost, I can cause ‘soul pain’ when I’m not right with God. When I allow sin to come between me and God. Secondly, ‘soul pain’ can be caused by Satan trying to rob me of God’s peace. Doubts and fears take place of God’s peace and comfort. And lastly, ‘soul pain’ can be growing pains. As God stretches my faith and teaches me more about Him, the soul can grieve knowing what an amazing God I have, and what a small being I am, yet He loves me. 

How long? Will it ever end? Although the pain may not end while on earth, knowing that God is still God does allows my soul to have peace—even in the midst of pain. God is still at work. He remains faithful to His promises. He will not forsake His children. God is still God! 

I don’t have to be ‘pain-free’ to create a positive day. I only need to rest in God’s goodness and watch Him work, then I can have peace in the midst of pain. And the peace that God gives, creates a positive day!

He’s watching. He’s listening.

This year, I'm sharing my "Treasures" of my study of my "Ponder the Morsels" book. I've picked 31 Psalms to study throughout 2013. Today I studied Psalm 11. Here is what I learned.

The Lord is in his holy Temple; the Lord sits on his throne in heaven. He sees what people do [His eyes watch]; ·he keeps his eye on them [his gaze examines/tests people]. Psalm 11:4 (EXB)

The Lord is sitting in his sacred temple on his throne in heaven. He knows everything we do because he sees us all. Psalm 11:4 (CEV)

His eyes watch. He keeps His eye on them. He sees us all. 

Understanding the knowledge that God sees me at all times, can be both comforting and well, scary—depending on my relationship with Him, and the activity I’m involved in at any given moment. 

It’s like when we were kids. If we knew our parents were watching us, we’d behave and do as we were told. But as soon as we thought they weren’t looking..... well look out! We’d try to get away with everything from stealing the cookies out of the cookie jar to fighting with our brothers/sisters.

The knowledge that someone was watching had a direct effect on our behavior. Knowing that God is watching should be comforting in that He knows exactly what is happening in my life. However, if I’m involved in something that is sinful, than I should be fearful just in knowing that the Holy God is watching me. But this verse goes beyond just my actions. God knows my thoughts, and my motives. What am I thinking? Why am I doing what I’m doing? 

"His eyes behold," etc. Consider that God not only sees into all you do, but he sees it to that very end that he may examine and search into it. He doth not only behold you with a common and indifferent look, but with a searching, watchful, and inquisitive eye: he pries into the reasons, the motives, the ends of all your actions. Ezekiel Hopkins, D.D.

God sees all. God knows all. God in His infinite greatness sees each of us. He’s watching... what is He seeing? He’s listening to our thoughts... what is He hearing? 

God loves me with a love beyond comprehension. He gave His son to die on the cross to take the punishment for my sin. Yet, I fall short in loving God and obeying Him. Knowing that God is watching me, should have a great impact on my thoughts and actions. My desire should be to please Him and honor Him. And when I do fall short and sin, I need to confess it before God and make the necessary changes in my life so that when faced with a temptation to sin, I can resist it. 

God is watching. What am I doing? Am I living a life so that my thoughts, actions, and motives make Him smile? Or am I causing God disappointment and sadness because I’ve chosen sin?

To create a positive day is not about doing what “feels good” or doing what I want. Rather, the only way to truly create a positive day is by obeying the almighty God and making Him smile.

He’s watching. He’s listening.

Update on Spinal Stimulator Trial

On Jan 31, 2013 I had a Spinal Implant Stimulator wire inserted in the epidural space to see if we could get a new spinal stimulator to help reduce my leg pain. The Dr had a difficult time inserting the wire due to the old stimulator paddle and scar tissue.

We were able to get the wire placed with some stim in the leg. I was able to "play" with the stim settings for several days to evaluate if it helped or caused more pain. The wire was removed on Feb 5th. 

We learned a few things from the trial:

1. There is scar tissue near the paddle (how much, we don't know)
2. The wire has to be EXACTLY mid-line in the back and at a higher level (T6 area)
3. If the wire is even slightly left or right, the stim moves to the front & creates pain. 

Since the removal of the wire on Feb 5, my pain level has been much higher. Not sure if the scar tissue is now pressing nerves, or if the nerves were just irritated by the wire/stim. My Pain Management Dr has been out of the office this week, but one of her Associates was able to get stronger pain med. I plan on talking with my Dr this next week (Feb 18-22) as to what, if anything we can do to lower the pain level at least back to "normal". 

What have I learned during this time?

• That God doesn't change depending on my pain level. 
• That even though I cannot do anything (moving hurts!), I can still pray for people. 
• That music with the right message is important to my "soul health" which is vital in tolerating the physical pain. (My Ponder Morsel for Feb 14, 2013)
• That it's okay to say "ouch" once and awhile. I usually try to be very strong and don't want to be a "complainer". But saying "ouch" is just stating a fact. I'm not complaining.

Where do I go from here? The first step is to see if we can get the pain level back to my "normal" level (which is plenty high enough). Then I have a few options as to what to do regarding the Spinal Stimulator.

• One option is to have another trial, which would be a "partial permanent implant" trial. That means the Dr would implant the wire/paddle and secure it in place. Part of the wire would be worn externally for a week or two to see if I'd get any relief. If the placement is correct and it works, the Dr. would disconnect the external wiring and connect new wires implanting the wires and new battery pack (IPG). If it did not work, the Dr. would remove the implant and wiring. 
• Another option is to have the old stimulator wiring and battery pack (IPG) removed. And 'give up' on using a Spinal Stimulator Implant for pain relief. 
• The last option is to see if the old stimulator wiring, battery pack (IPG) and paddle can be removed. Removing the paddle may not be easy due to the placement on the spinal cord and the scar tissue in that area. This would also be 'giving up' on using a Spinal Stimulator Implant for pain relief. 

How do I "feel" about all this?

• I'm thankful for some answers regarding the Spinal Stimulator Implant. We know that for me to get any relief the wire/paddle has to be exactly mid-line and higher. 
• I don't like the increased pain. And I have to take that into consideration as I make my decision on another implant trial. Each time I have surgery I will grow more scar tissue and that can irritate more nerves. 
• I'm thankful for the stronger pain medications, but don't like the side-effects. 

Right now I'm in the "waiting room". And as many of you know, I'm not a very good "waiter". But I'm trying to learn that waiting is not a bad thing. As I wait, I can continue to pray about my decision and continue to research my options. 

Thank you for your prayers as I "wait". God is good all the time! And all the time God is good! 

Creating a positive day isn't easy when the pain level is extreme. But I'm learning that the day can be very positive if I keep my focus on what God is doing, and allow God to teach me and use me to help others. 

Remembering Me & Caring for Me

Throughout this year, each day of the month, I'm "Treasure Hunting" in a Psalm. I've created a "Ponder Every Morsel of Truth" Book to record the truths as I learn them. The fifteen of each month, I'm studying Psalm 8. Here's what Treasure I found today.

But why are people even important to you [What are people that you remember them]? Why do you take care of ·human beings [the son of man]? Psalm 8: 4 (EXB)

What (but why): what is there (common) to me and to thee?, what end, to what purpose.

Man (people): a mortal, humanity, miserable man; man in his fallen state, full of infirmity, ignorance, and sin.

That: expressing consecution, especially after a question implying surprise

Art mindful (remember): recall, call to mind, usually as affecting present feeling, thought, or action.

Son of man: the son of Adam, the sinful son of a sinful father, his son by likeness of disposition.

Visitest him (care): pay attention to, observe with care, practical interest, give a charge, commit, to attend to.

To fully understand Psalm 8:4, you have to read Psalm 8:3: 

I look at your heavens, ·which you made with [the work of] your fingers. I see the moon and stars, which you ·created. (MSG)

When one compares the vast expanse and greatness of the Heavens and all that God created, to mere man— why would God even bother with us? Look at the finite universe in which we live. We are but “ants”  in comparison to the immenseness of all creation. It’s humbling to realize that the Almighty God, Creator of all, remembers mankind—and more importantly, remembers individuals. And God know only remembers each of us, He cares for each of us. 

“[Are not…?] Five sparrows are sold for only two pennies [Greek: assaria; copper coins of very low value], ·and [yet] God does not forget any of them. But ·God even knows how many hairs you have on your head [even the hairs on your head have all been numbered]. Don’t be afraid. You are worth much more than many sparrows.” Luke 12:6, 7 (EXB)

Can you grasp that fact? God KNOWS exactly how many hairs are on my head. That means that God knows MORE about me than I know about myself! And not only does God KNOW about me, He CARES about me!

"This is a marvelous thing, that God thinks upon men, and remembers them continually." John Calvin

To create a positive day, I simply need to remember that the Almighty God, Creator of all, is remembering me, and caring for me.