Change of Plans — Again!

I don't talk much about my life with chronic pain. However, sometimes people ask questions, so I try to answer them. One aspect of chronic pain, that I often struggle with, is scheduling and commitments. 

I am a planner. I like to have things on the calendar, so that I can prepare and be ready for the events of any given day. Yet, there are days that my pain/headache do not take into consideration what is on my schedule. 

Today, was "one of those days". I had planned to fulfill a commitment (that had already had to be rescheduled from last week). Yet, this morning, I awoke with a severe headache. Worse than usual. I started the "headache routine" that involves, meds, essential oils, ice packs, trigger points. 

As I waited for the headache to lessen, I had to make a decision. Could I fulfill the commitment this morning? 

Yes, I could— BUT would it be the smart thing to do? I also have another commitment this afternoon, that can't be changed. Knowing that I have a unchangeable commitment this afternoon, I made the choice to reschedule (once again) this mornings plans. 

For me, that is so very frustrating. I hate not being able to do something I had planned. However, my body can only tolerate so much. So, I need to allow my body time to heal this morning, and lay low. 

Thankfully, the other people involved in my cancelation this morning, are fully understanding. They've been along side of my pain journey for most of the past 16 years. They get it. 

If you know someone who lives in chronic pain, or has an invisible illness (i.e. autoimmune disease, lyme, chronic headache, diabetes, etc) please be patient if they have to reschedule—even multiple times. It's not that they don't want to do an activity, it's just that their bodies won't allow it. Or they have to save their energy for an upcoming event that they simply can't miss. Please don't read anything into the cancelation of plans. Changing plans is not the desired thing! So, often we look forward to that event and doing something out of the norm. So, please be patient, understanding, and most of all encouraging! I'm so thankful that the people who have come along side of me are all of those. 

The key to living with a chronic illness/pain is flexibility. And realizing that things are beyond a person's control. It's about taking comfort knowing that even if things have to be rescheduled, it's OK! 

Why am I sharing this? So that others with chronic illness know that this is reality, and that it's ok. So that others without pain/illness learn why plans change. 

Today, is not what I had planned. However, my headache level is no surprise to God Almighty. He is fully aware of my pain and headache. Therefore, I take comfort in knowing that for whatever reason, God has allowed my plans to change today. It could be so that I write this post, to encourage someone, or it could be that God wanted to protect me from an accident, or it could be that God just me to take time to be still. 

So, if you know someone who lives with chronic pain/illness, please take time to understand a bit of their life. And take time to pray for them. 

If you have any questions, please ask. And remember, not all chronic illness/pain is the same. So, my answers may differ from one who suffers with a different illness.

Grace Recognized

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, longsuffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control. Against such there is no law. Galatians 5:22-23 (NKJV)

Joy: gladness, cheerfulness, calm delight; the awareness (of God's) grace, favor; "grace recognized"

Joy is not based on circumstances or feelings. Rather joy, a product of the Holy Spirit, is based on all that God has to offer—justification, forgiveness, peace, adoption, fellowship with God Almighty, and eternal life with God. The joy is because of the relationship with God. The joy is an outpouring of the love God gives. 

This morning, I awoke with a searing headache and intense back pain. Normally I wake up in pain, but this morning, it was a much higher level. Yet, as I got up and I slowly made my way to the kitchen, my mind switched from the pain to the Castle. Just walking down the hallway toward the kitchen, I had to stop and thank God for this amazing home. In the stillness and quietness of the morning, I looked at the living room. Each time I see that fireplace and the vaulted ceiling, I'm overcome with an overwhelming sense of amazement. God in His gracious goodness, has supplied an amazing home for me and my parents. As I think about Who God is and how He takes care of me — just wow! 

My heart can overflow with joy, not because my life is perfect, or I'm pain free (that won't happen until I am in Heaven!). But rather, my heart can overflow with joy because I know and have a relationship with God Almighty. 

Joy the awareness of God's grace—grace recognized! The more I take time to recognize God's grace the more joy will overflow! 

Thanks Living. Is it harder somedays?

Thanks Living.

Is it really harder to give thanks some days than others? Or do we just find it harder because we are focused on the 'bad'. 

This morning, a headache woke me up. That doesn't happen very often, for usually it's the back/leg pain that awakens me. However, on occasion, the headache screams louder than the back pain. That was the case this morning. 

As I got up, it was not a hard choice to reach for the headache medicine instead of the pain medicine. As I think about my agenda today, I did not include this level of headache pain. I know.... that's lack of planning on my part. 

😜

But as I was thinking about Thanks Living, I almost started to write, "somedays it's much harder to be thankful." But then I stopped. Is it really? There are many things that have been constant which I give thanks for on a daily basis. Yet, why would I allow a headache to change my focus to unthankfulness? 

Thanks Living. There are some days where gratitude and thankfulness are not my focus. And that is NOT because of lack of things for which to be thankful. Rather, it's because I CHOOSE not to be thankful. WOW. That's just sad. 

Thanks Living. I need to remember that "in all things give thanks". I need to remember that Thanks Living is not based upon how I feel, or the circumstances I find myself. Thanks Living is a mindset.... no make that a heartset. Thanks Living is based on the fact that God loves me and each day His mercies are new. Thanks Living is based on the fact that God cares for me and is concerned about all the details in my life. Thanks Living is a CHOICE! 

So, it doesn't matter that my headache level is at screaming mode. It doesn't matter. The only thing that really matters, is that God is still in control and His love for me is unconditional. The only thing that matters is that I choose to be thankful. 

Today, I'm making a choice—I will enjoy a day filled with "Thanks Living!" Will you join me?

Help of a stranger

Yesterday:
Wow! God sent some great blessings. 
I needed a BIG box for some pictures/frames. I received an email for 10% off my purchase at Home Depot. So I went over and found a box that would work. As I was waiting to check out, a gentleman came up behind me with his hands full. I offered to let him go ahead of me, since I had a cart. He said, "No, it's not heavy." Then we chatted. As I was checking out, he then offered to help me get the box in my car. So, not only did he help me get the box in the car... well part of it.... he drove the other part home for me! 
Thank you, Lee for all your help! And thank you God for sending Lee to help me out today.

Sunday: 
As I was thanking God for the help of the stranger He sent yesterday, I had to stop and think about something.... 

Packing and getting things ready to sell, has been extremely difficult on my back. The pain level remains high as does the headache. Yesterday, when I went to the store to buy the BIG box, I was not feeling the greatest. As I waited in the only checkout line open with a person (they had self checkouts, but I really needed help with the box), each person in front of me had a problem with their items. What was going to be quick trip, had grown to 30 plus minutes and counting. 

As I stood there, I knew that I could be frustrated at everything taking so long, or I could make a choice to find something positive. That's when the gentleman with his arms full walked up behind me. I really didn't want to make my wait any longer, but I had a cart, he stood there holding all this stuff. So, God nudged me... and I asked if he'd like to go ahead of me. 

That question, opened the door for conversation as we waited. As I was checking out, he asked how I had planned to get the box in my car, I said that I think it will fit in the back seat. He offered to help me. And he did! 

Looking back on yesterday..... what if I had "put me first". Ignored the fact that the man had his arms full. What I had complained about the long wait? What if...... 

I'm thankful that God nudged me and that He continues to remind me that it's NOT about ME. I was able to share that God sends blessings at just the time I need them. And yesterday, Lee, was the blessing God sent. 

Another great reminder that no matter how I feel, I have a choice to be positive.... and usually when I choose the positive, God sends those extra blessings along... because that's when I'm most ready to accept them. 

Thanking God for His special blessings! 

Smile just waiting—Grab it!

This year, I'm sharing my "Treasures" of my study of my "Ponder the Morsels" book. I've picked 31 Psalms to study throughout 2013. Today I studied Psalm 43. Here is what I learned.

Why am I discouraged. Why is my heart so sad? I will put my hope in God! I will praise him again—my Savior and my God! Psalm 43:5 (NLT)

Why ·am I so sad [are you downcast, my soul]? Why ·am I so upset [are you groaning/in an uproar]? I ·should [or will] ·put my hope in [wait for] God and ·keep praising [or will again praise] him, my ·Savior [Victor] and my God. Psalm 43:5 (EXB)

Why art thou cast down O my soul and why art thou disquieted within me hope in God for I shall yet praise him who is the health of my countenance and my God. Psalm 43:5 (KJV w/Strongs) 

Why: interrogative what? (including how? Why? When?); but also exclamation, what! (including how!).

Discouraged: be cast down, despairing, to sink or be depressed, be (bring) low.

Sad: to be in great commotion or tumult, to rage, war, moan, clamor, be disquieted, tumultuous, be in an uproar.

Soul: living being, life, self, person, desire, passion, appetite, emotion.

Hope: to wait; by implication, to be patient, hope -- (cause to, have, make to) hope, stay, tarry, trust, wait. 

God: Eelohim- very great, mighty.

For: assuredly, but, certainly, doubtless.

Again: a going around, continuance, still, yet, again, beside, repeatedly, still, more -- again all life long, repeat.

Praise: yield yourselves, acknowledge, give thanks, to revere or worship (with extended hands).

God: the supreme God

As his hope, his never-failing hope, v. 5. Here, as before, David quarrels with himself for his dejections and despondencies, and owns he did ill to yield to them, and that he had no reason to do so: Why art thou cast down, O my soul? He then quiets himself in the believing expectation he had of giving glory to God (Hope in God, for I shall yet praise him) and of enjoying glory with God: He is the health of my countenance and my God. That is what we cannot too much insist upon, for it is what we must live and die by. Matthew Henry's Commentary on the Whole Bible

It’s so easy to be discouraged and depressed. But there is a solution—praise, worship God the very source of HOPE! There’s an old saying, “Turn that frown upside down.” This verse isn’t about putting on a fake smile, but rather there is a true REASON to smile—HOPE from God.

To be honest, I don’t feel much like smiling today. I’m recovering from the spinal implant stimulator trial, my back hurts, my headache is severe, and I have more questions than answers on how to move forward. But I have a choice to make—I can wallow in my situation and have  a pity-party, or I can change my focus to God and the Hope and Joy He provides. 

Today seems like a very hard day to create a positive day, but actually, it’s easy if I change my focus to God and the hope He provides. He has a SMILE just waiting for me—and I choose to GRAB it!

Going full speed—suddenly STOP

The past few weeks, I've been pushing myself to get the apartment ready for the remodel. Not having a specific date made it hard to know how fast things needed to be done. (Still no specific date, but should hear this week.) As I look at all that has been accomplished, I feel great. There are still items that need to be packed, and some to get rid of...but a lot has been completed.

Today, I had a list of things to accomplish.... but nothing has been crossed off the list. When I got up this morning, my headache was the worst it's been in YEARS—it was migraine level. I started the normal headache treatments (Stim Plus, essential oils, massage, medicine, etc.) but the headache was getting worse, not better. Finally, this afternoon, it started to lessen... still not back to my normal level, but better.

Earlier today, I felt too bad to feel frustrated about not getting my "to do list" completed. But as I started to feel better, I looked at what needs to be done, and just as I started to get frustrated, it hit me—nothing on the list has to be accomplished today. It can all be done tomorrow, or the next day.... or even the next. I was the one who created the list.. so I can be the one to determine when the tasks are completed. 

Since I'm not feeling well enough to do anything physical, I started thinking through the new layout designs for the apartment. I realized that some layout ideas won't work, unless I move additional items, like the printer. Some layouts will require additional wiring for the TV antennae and hard drives. If I didn't take the time to be quiet and think, I might not have considered what each of the layouts would require.

I am a person how usually goes full speed ahead! And when I'm forced to stop.. I usually get frustrated and try to figure out how I can keep going. For some reason, I often view "stopping" as a bad thing. Yet, that is not true. Stopping allows me to review the plan of action and make necessary changes. Stopping gives me time to reflect on all that has been done. Stopping can give me a new perspective. Stopping can lead me in a new and very often, better direction. 

God says "be still.... and know that I am God." Can't I know God when I'm going at full speed? Yes, but when I'm moving at full force, I'm going in my direction and I am not paying attention to God's guidance. Be still. God knows when I am still, He can have my full attention. He can teach me things, which I only can see when I'm still. 

Look at it this way. Next time you are driving down the highway at 70 mph... look out the window and try to notice the scenery. Then at the next traffic jam, when you are stopped, look out the window. See anything different? How much did you miss as you flew past? 

God knows that for us to hear Him and see what He has planned, we need to be still. Only when we STOP, are we open to changing directions, new ideas, or realizing what God is accomplishing. 

Perhaps you can't imagine how today could be a positive day.. there isn't much positive about having a headache. But it's not the headache I'm focusing on... rather, I'm focusing on being still and listening to God. And any day...I stop and listen to God...is a VERY positive day.

8 days and counting

Today was one of those days I had all planned out... you know the type of day when the "To Do List" is full and the pencil is sharpened ready to mark off each task. Well, what I had planned was not what God had planned. My headache was the worst it's been in a while, and I injured my ankle a few weeks ago....it was really swollen today. Therefore, instead of finishing my to do list....I knew I'd be confined to the sofa all day.
I was thinking that the day was a total waste...I wouldn't get anything done on my list....until I remembered that my list doesn't really matter. I was to accomplish what God wanted me to do....not some list I concocted.
So, I started rethinking my "To Do List". Rather than what I thought I had to accomplish today, I consulted God on what He wanted me to do. When I changed from "my list" to God's list....the day was much better!
What was on God's list? Extra prayer time. Recently a few people asked I pray for some special requests. Being able to spend time discussing those issues with God was a good use of my time.
As the day progressed, God sent some special blessings my way. I received a nice email. And later in the day I received a package from Hawaii!! A package brightens anyone's day! And since this package was from some very special friends—it made it even better! (A big shout out to Hawaii—Thank you VERY MUCH!!!)
So, my "To do list" remains full. But personally, today turned out to be a special day.

If your plans need to change, don't consider the day a loss. You can still create a positive day by allowing God to direct your plans.